the nobleman way

oh i learn the hard way how the logical way failed to cope with heart problems. i was angry, sad, emotional, depressed and tired. deep down inside, within the innocent heart, it said calm down, and seize the day. my head told me to move on. the moving on came easier. seizing the day came with half the spirit. the other half was filled with sadness, pain and tears. the prayers stopped. at some point i'm asking for answers but i was unanswered. i was sad and also disappointed.
for years i tried to get up on my feet. moving aside the annoying knock from the heart. no, you go back coz i'm going the rational, logical way. and how i thought it was the best for me, for you, for us. how i press so many feelings down. and i thought, love was you, and it still is. in the future i will likely not change. maybe life will bring me someone else. as you try to point the same only it is more certain for you. maybe life will lead me to another way which takes me far away from you. maybe everything will change but inside here, that pure and sincere love will always be printed under your name. so i tried to walk on the logical way. the scientific way. i give up praying because i thought the owner of the universe set something else for me.
then that day come. when the path of the universe move our line of life into one again. like the alignment of the galaxy, it only happened for very short. it was unplanned and unavoidable. everywhere i went, the signs told me turn to you. no traffic light, just the fast lane. you said maybe this is what called destiny. destiny... that word made shiver and cry. that word made me silence and questions.
it ended without much drama. leaving me empty. you signal to walk away. you signal to be gone. i smile with rainy heart. if this is the farewell way, i bid goodbye with every good prayers my heart can do. if this the last way, i wish you a bright future and happiness. if this is the final moment, oh God how i wish him nothing but the best.
leaving more questions to my mind. i believe everything happened for a reason. nothing happens for nothing. so what was that for? what was that all about? i got up on my feet. trying every way i can to face that my love was taken away. did it mean something? or was it just a way to project something bigger and more important? and i dont know.
at some points i stood silence. for a short time, the universe showed i cant avoid what was written. this random calculus showed disturbance is meant to right the equation. this random calculus is out of my reach....out of my control. but i know, my prayers, my questions, my complains, my angers were heard.  i'm in His labyrinth just a micro particle trying to find my way. i'm powerless to determine things. i deserve the right to try, i deserve the right to plan. but in the end, this particle can only accept what has been written.
so i pray. to the owner of the universe, i know You hear me. i can only pray. it is all i have. You know best what is within my heart. if there is unlimited patience, strength, acceptance, will You please grant me those... make me patience to face this hardship. make me strong to survive difficult times. make my heart accept what is written for me. here i am, surrendering my destiny to you. for it is only yours. if life should be with the heart, please open nothing but the good ways. if life should go different way, i believe it is also a good way.
and that's my nobleman way. the way without anger, complains, emotion and hatred. it is the way of the heart. it says to be patience. it says to pray. it says to strive for the best. the common man way is much more tempting. but i listen to my heart. and i choose to be noble.