curses for me and (also) by me

this is quite a habit i created long time ago when facing a somewhat great personal grieve. it based on the factor of reluctance to contact the other party. also based on the inability to see the benefit of communicating with the other party. and also based on the fact that life has moved forward to different and far coordinates from where it used to be.

i'm not really sure where to start. a glimpse of my past experience lets me know that it's a painful way to go through a hardship. but in return the result is high resistance on mentality test. i'm not sure either if the recent event takes even 50% similarity. but the symptoms unfortunately will lead to the same old habit of somewhat hurting myself.

when something unusual happened and it led to a self-destructive moment, it's the time when i ended up putting myself to blame. well this is hard. damn hard, in fact. because the enemy was myself only. there is of course other party/aspect involved. but relating to the factors aforementioned... that part is considered to be unrelated part of the moving-forward equation. well it's easier to solve it. to put into elaboration of solution. and to see whether in the end it results in 1 or 0. it's hardly 0. 1 is always favorable.

i use to map the past experience, and then relate it with the recent event. today i'm pretty sure it's hard to see i have to come to conclusion. but i feel the need...or the perfect reason i just found is that i have no time to deal with the perhaps wrong equation. it's easier to exempt the wrong variable... the past experience suggests me to start the painful activity of solving the equation, put it out into words, and makes result to 1, only. the painful past experience has made me who i am today. it enables me to stand up and seize the day. it enables to set aside tempting whisper of going over the heartbreak folder and bring tears back to my eyes. it enables to accept that i was wrong, and to be able to forgive myself. probably what happened wasn't all bad. but reality with not a happy ending is not easy to cope with.

well this one... i'm not really sure what to name it. it's not even 50% close. but i feel the almost strong urge to just find conclusion and get on with life. it's not easy at the beginning. but after initial step is passed...the next is like driving at midnight after payday :). it's easy and relieving.

now..after passing the last toll exit... it's time to create a better system of myself. i haven't made any. but if this is truly the second time, then i have probably driven too much on the fast lane :). so now it's an official pet project. consider the result is one. and a life boat must be well prepared. a system that will safe the boat of parking on another fake land which turned out to be just another big rock floating.

My cats and their personalities

So this a story about my cats. This comes to mind under 2 occasions which happened earlier. First one is because a problem at work. Operational manager on field submit a report stating that monkeys had taken all the nypa sap. He informed me that he is trying to find a local and legal way to woo them away. When i browse i found that science defined them as animal with certain personalities. They are known to bring random and extensive damage to people near the forest. The second one was because of my cat. One particular white cat of mine. She is the first momogi's baby. i call her pucci coz she her mostly white fur (white =putih, bhs indonesia). Pucci usually sleeps in the bed room with us. She doesnt like being disturbed while eating and she really loves fried chicken. She also prefers to sleep and stay hungry all night. Sometimes it gets so worrying that i have to bring her food and feed her in the bed room. Just like last night. I took my meal inside the bedroom and then she just sat in front of me. I felt that she was hungry. I touched her tummy, it was soft and small. Its a sign that she' s hungry and hasnt eaten anything within the previous 4 hrs. I asked mom if pucci was fed yet she said no and asked me to give her one cut of fried chicken. So i did. When i fed het i thought....so personality is not always about "person". Even animal has one.

And the following is all my cats personality. Enjoy :).

Maxi : he feels that he is cute so he wants to show off his cuteness to every guests coming to our house. He is also proud that he is fat that he always shows his tummy to us

Jimmy : he is almost as fat as maxi, but he has a gentle heart and also a coward. He never fights back if other cat challenge him to.

Gendut : he is as big as and less fat than jimmy. He is half stray. He is very sweet when he is hungry only lol.

Bubu : he is very cute but skinny. He likes to run on green grass and chase females lol.

Momogi: I must say that she is the main breeder in the house. She has 11 babies, 10 of them survived until today. 2 of them has 7 babies, and only 3 of them survived. Now she is half stray. After she was neutered, she became obsessed of chasing males. and the fact that she cant get pregnant, make her more curious to mate. 

Princess: she is a pretty girl with big eyes circled with black line as if it was the eyeliner. She is so pretty and sweet, like a princess. 

Pucci : she is princess' little sister. she is small coz momogi somehow refused to breastfeed her. she doesnt like disturbance while eating and she only wants to sleep inside my bedroom, or with my mother.

Oneng: the name came from Koneng,a sundanese word, means yellow. She is cute but she likes to get attention from my father. he used to call her around and she will lay near his foot. She has 4 babies, and only 2 of them survive.

Kimmy: oh she's very cute with big round eyes and tabby color. she likes to get attention from me, and very possessive of me. sometimes she attack with her paw when other cat comes to me if she is close to me.

(to be continued)